31 Days of Thanks – the Fog

I’ve been struggling with what to write today. One minute I am happily thinking of Caleb’s first birthday and then wham-o, I picture Mike in his last hours. What a contrast. I feel pretty numb.

For me, the days before a significant anniversary are much harder than the actual day. If you asked, I could give you the details of the last week of Mike’s life. They have been playing over and over in my mind.  It is not the day he took his last breath that is most difficult for me.  It is remembering the days leading up to that moment that cause sleepless nights. The day Mike passed to Heaven brought with it some relief – relief because he was no longer suffering, relief because he knew where he was going, and relief because we are confident that we will be together again one day. Mike said several times that he was not afraid for himself, but knew that this was going to be hard on us. He even went so far as to say that it was harder on us than him.  I am not so sure about that. We are running a marathon; he ran a sprint. Each is challenging in its own way, and can take you to your breaking point. But he was right in the fact that yes, this is hard. So very hard. And this week the fog has settled in thickly, making it hard to see clearly and to know where I am heading. Sometimes I want to move faster, but we all know that going faster in the fog does not make things clear up. In fact, it puts you at greater risk.

So I do my best to slow down. To take care, be intentional in my actions, be aware, and know that this fog is temporary even though I may have to sit in it for a short while. And that is OK. Clearer moments are coming. I never know when, but I will keep looking and I can be thankful that they exist even when I can’t see them.

 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:18.

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11 thoughts on “31 Days of Thanks – the Fog

  1. Beth (Betsy) Sagar says:

    xoxo

  2. Jenn mizzell says:

    I have been praying for you daily. I lost my father and my mother her husband unexpectedly just after you lost your husband. Thank you for sharing your grief and encouragement. You have helped us to keep our eyes on Jesus and keep moving forward into each day

  3. Peggy McGowan says:

    You are paying a wonderful lasting tribute to Mike and with this month of October postings, he continues to be with you in your healing–tough days, good days; ups & downs and all-over-the-place emotions….may you continue to find peace, and continue to live your life. xoxoxoxoxo

  4. Susan Bever says:

    Amen to what Peggy wrote…..sometimes words do not do it..just a heartfelt hug…

  5. Dan & Darcie Flight says:

    Patty…we are praying for you now and trust that God will surround you with His endless compassion and strength!

    By Grace Alone Darcie Sent from my iPad

    >

  6. Debbie Collins says:

    Before I read your post-I make sure I am sitting quiet and intentional. Just as you when you write your post because I know you have something to teach me. Perhaps the fog is also the place you know you are surrounded by God’s love and peace. The place to gather strength. Yes, as you said, a place to slow down.

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