The Second Year – Shadows

Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA This is a picture of Yosemite Valley. It is where Mike and I spent our honeymoon. It was October 1984 and I will never forget the clear crisp air, the golden aspens and the peace in the valley. This is one of my favorite places and I am so thankful I was able to share it with Mike on two different occasions.

This picture just does not do it justice.  The peaks are so high and in the middle of the day, you can find yourself in their great shadows. I can feel so small in this valley.

The last couple of days I have been feeling small again; like I am living in the shadows of life. Yes, I “survived” the official one year mark of Mike’s passing. And I have to say there was a sense of relief come November 1 and 2. And then it hit. The shadow. I find myself stumbling again. I wish I could identify what triggered this wave because then it would give me some sense that I might be able to control this thing called grief. But grief is not linear.  It is circular, spiral, twist and turn-y and you never know what is going to trigger the sadness, depression, or anger.

I took a long look at the picture above and thought about my time in Yosemite valley. And I thought about the shadows. They move. They shift and change with the sun. Sometimes they shift quickly and sometimes they don’t. But the thing I hold onto is that they don’t last forever.  And in the meantime, I will learn to be still. This is a song by the Fray that reminds me to do just that.

Be Still.


5 thoughts on “The Second Year – Shadows

  1. Ring, Christine says:

    Patti, I have been to Yosemite and felt like I was in Heaven. I walked up one of the mountains, only half way carrying 20 lbs of camera equipment. O my how beautiful. I stood in the bottom of a fallen red wood which had about 4 more feet above my head.
    I saw Peggy this morning and told her how I missed reading your blog. And what ya know, I open my computer and there you are on my email list. It is good to still be hearing from you,
    Chris Ring from Lauralton Hall.

  2. Peggy McGowan says:

    Oh, what a beautiful song patty…Be Still…..I hope we can get to the lake soon. lv u

  3. Melissa says:

    Only you can possibly imagine how much your blogs mean to me as I approach my own 1st year anniversary. You ahave confirmed what I suspected – the first year is only the beginning of the process. The process will continue into the future indefinitely. I admire your strength and pray for you on this journey. I ask you to pray for me on mine. God bless you for sharing.

    • padoo5 says:

      Melissa, we have a special place in God’s heart – He alone is Father to the fatherless and defender of the widows. Prayers and blessings to you during this time.

  4. Susan Bever says:

    continuing to care….and pray…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s