The Second Year – An Anniversary

 

I believe in the way God knits two people together when they stand before him on their wedding day. Something sacred happens in that moment, something that will, with grace and intention and faith and hard work, build upon itself and grow in power and beauty and durability with each passing year.  Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet.

 

October 1984

October 1984

Today is our 30 year anniversary.  I am stunned at the thought of it. I remember the anniversary when we realized we had spent more of our lives together than apart. We talked about all the joys we experienced and the challenges we endured. I am not quite sure how to recognize this day anymore.  I feel weird referring to “our” anniversary when one of us is not here. It is one of those aspects of grief that makes no sense and has no answers. It is one of those awkward days when I want to shout and yell that for the past week, I have been remembering the days leading up to our wedding and that a part of me is missing.

As time passes, I realize that every day of remembrance whether it is an anniversary, birthday, or other special occasion, brings a deeper sense of loss, a sharper sense of the permanence of this new life I now have. I still wake up some days and shake my head in wonder. I still get easily distracted and don’t sleep very well. On the upside, I have a much larger capacity for life, but somedays I just need to clear the schedule and give myself time to breathe. I am incredibly thankful for all those family and friends who continue to walk with me through this crazy journey. It is a marathon.

I guess I don’t have to get too hung up on what I call this day. I just know it carries with it wonderful memories of a man who stood with me before God and witnesses and promised that “with grace and intention and faith and hard work” we would build a relationship of power and beauty and durability with each passing year. God honored that promise and I continue to thank Him for the gift that He gave to both of us. Happy Anniversary my friend.

Bermuda 2009

Bermuda 2009

 You Carry Me by Moriah Peters.

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5 thoughts on “The Second Year – An Anniversary

  1. Rebecca McCoy says:

    Hugs.

    Becky McCoy

  2. Kim Stirtan says:

    you are writing again-this is good-God is good 🙂

  3. Lloyd Bayreuther says:

    Patty, Thinking of you….Heidi

  4. George says:

    Thanks. It is good to hear from you. Know that you are often, near always, in my thoughts and prayers. It has been 10 years for me and Pam is always present in my thoughts. Who I am and honestly where I am was her doing so many years ago. I am not far from the day where I have lived more years in Thailand than in the USA. That is true of my Adult life, and she was the one who got the ball rolling that gots us here. Our lives are knit to our spouses, so much of who and what we are as a consequence of our shared lives.

  5. Vera says:

    Blessings to you Patti on this special (30) anniversary. So thankful for the loving example you and Mike have been to us over the years. We continue to pray for you on this journey. I am seeing a glimpse of heaven in my mind with Mike smiling over the life/victories the two of you had together. Much love, Vera

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